


Losing the Mask

by Shadrake



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Depression, Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21661687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadrake/pseuds/Shadrake
Summary: When Natsuki visits Sayori to study together, she discovers a secret of Sayori's - something she was not meant to know.
Kudos: 21





	Losing the Mask

**Knock knock**

Natsuki rapped her knuckles against the transparent outer door, tapping her foot impatiently. Her brows were furrowed in irritation. “That dummy, is she sleeping in until dinner or something?”

**Knock knock**

After knocking for the fifth time, Natsuki was about to turn and leave when she heard several crashing and bumping sounds coming from inside, before the sound of a lock clicking and door opening rung out. The inside door swung open, revealing a very disheveled Sayori; hair a mess, pyjamas on, red bow sideways, and black circles under her eyes. She quickly pushed open the clear outside door. “H-hi, Natsuki! I'm so sorry for making you wait so long! I-I hadn't gotten up yet, a-and-” Natsuki closed her eyes and put her hands up. “It's fine, it's fine, forget about it.” She stepped through the doorway into Sayori's home, and was instantly hit in the nose with some odd smells. Looking around at the main floor, she frowned. The living room was a mess, empty wrappers and dirty dishes strewn about. Dust coated much of the furniture, and there were a couple stains on the carpet.

“Jeez, do you ever clean this place? It's a wreck!” Natsuki said sharply, putting her hands on her hips.

“Ehehe... not... really.” Sayori poked her fingers together and looked down, abashed. “I... don't remember the last time I did.” Natsuki rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated groan. “You really need to take better care of yourself, you know that?” She stepped over a couple fallen coats, tugging her backpack further onto her shoulders. “Just tell me you have a room with actual space for us to study.” Sayori looked back up at Natsuki. “U-um, yeah! My... my room is at least clean enough to walk around in. I have to make sure my stuffed animals have space to move!”

Natsuki's expression morphed into the most quizzical, confused look possible. “...How?” She shook her head. “Nevermind, I don't care. Let's just go. “ She took the lead and headed down the hallway in front of her, despite not knowing the house at all. “This way, right?”

“Um, yeah..” Sayori said quietly, falling in line behind Natsuki. “Stairs are on the right after a left turn.” Several steps later and she swung open the door to Sayori's room.

Inside, while still a mess, some care had clearly been put into maintaining a living environment. The floor had dirty clothes strewn about, but was traversible. The room was stuffy, but didn't smell strange, and garbage and dirty dishes were not nearly as common. There was still a wide range of objects cluttering the room, however. “This is... manageable.” Natsuki stated with a hint of reluctance in her voice. Sayori stepped in from behind her, looking around the room in contemplation, as if only seeing it for the first time. “It's... still a mess...” She giggled quietly. “Um, sorry... I told you that maybe going to your place would've been better.”

Natsuki shook her head. “No, I don't think it would've. This is fine. Just get out your textbooks so we can start working.”

Natsuki walked over to Sayori's bed and dropped her bag onto it, opening it up to take out her work. Sayori, meanwhile, rummaged through the piles of papers, books, and junk on her desk. Looking over her shoulder, Natsuki groaned in exasperation again.. “Did you really lose your textbooks?” Sayori froze for a moment at the question, mumbling something to herself that Natsuki couldn't hear, before quickly spinning on her heels and giving a small, awkward smile. “Ehehe... I, um... yeah.” Natsuki smacked her own forehead with the palm of her hand and sighed. “You can share mine, then.” She offered, waving Sayori over.

“Th-thanks Natsuki, you're the best!” Sayori skipped over, but tripped over a shoe on the floor, tumbling onto her bed with an 'oof' sound coming from her.

“Jeez, you need to watch where you're going if you're gonna live in a dump!”

Sayori flinched in response to the words, a flash of pain on her face, before it was wiped away by a bright smile. “Y-yeah, you're right! I'm really clumsy, and lazy, and really bad at organizing, and really stupid.”

Natsuki's eyes widened and she blinked twice in quick succession. “Whoa, okay, I didn't say all that.”

“It's true, though!” Sayori said in a sing-song voice, picking up the first textbook Natsuki had taken out from her bag. In response Natsuki furrowed her eyebrows, concern in her eyes. “You really shouldn't say things like that.”

Sayori suddenly clutched the textbook to her chest tightly. “Wh-why not?”

“Beating yourself up isn't going to help anything, y'know?”

Sayori lowered her arms and looked aside. “Let's just work, alright?” Natsuki shook her head, but took out the other two textbooks for their homework. “Fine. Whatever.” She sat down on the bed, bouncing the pillows and blankets, and causing her bag to fall over.

“Do you want to start with math? There's a test for that on Friday.” Natsuki opened a red textbook, flipping through the pages towards their lessons.

Sayori nodded. “Yeah, sure. I'm terrible at it though.” Natsuki shrugged. “A lot of people are. I'm not very good either, but hey, we have to try, right?” Sayori sat down on the bed next to Natsuki. “I guess so.” Natsuki glanced over at Sayori, whose usually smiling face was downcast. Natsuki lowered the book. “Hey, are you okay?” Sayori jumped slightly, looking at Natsuki with fear. “Y-yeah, of course!” She put on a strained smile. “Why wouldn't I be?”

Natsuki squinted her eyes and looked at Sayori's face quizzically. “You seem off today. You feeling okay? If you're sick, let me know. I don't want to catch it.” Sayori moved a few inches away from Natsuki. “I-I'm fine!” Tears started to form in her eyes. “The rainclouds are just... extra dark today.”

“Rain clouds?” Natsuki turned and looked out the window. Sunlight was streaming through, and only a few, fluffy white clouds were in the sky. “What are you talking about?”

“N-nothing...” Sayori giggled quietly, “Forget I said anything.”

Natsuki put the book down. “No, seriously, you're acting strange, Sayori. You'd better tell me what's going on!” She put her hands on her hips and stared her friend down. Sayori started to shake, tears building up. “I....don't want to talk about it. You shouldn't worry about me. Your schoolwork is more important.”

Natsuki shook her head. “No, it's not. Screw math, you're crying!”

Sayori bit her lip and covered her face with her hands. “No, no, no, this isn't good! This just makes everything worse! Just do your work, alright?”

Natsuki stood up suddenly. “What the heck is up with you? I just want to know what's got you so upset!” Sayori jumped up as well. “I-I need the washroom!” She quickly darted out of the room, slamming the door shut behind herself. Natsuki stared at the closed door for a long time before falling backwards onto the bed, growling in frustration.

* * *

Sayori came back into the room several minutes later, smile on her face again. Her eyes were noticeably red, however. “Hey, Natsuki! Wanna get back to work?” Natsuki sat up from her position on the bed. “Hey, uh... sorry, Sayori.” She apologized, “I guess I've just been really grumpy all day because of my dad, and so I-”

“Don't worry about it!” Sayori waved her off. “It's fine. Let's get our homework done, alright?”

Natsuki hesitated for a moment before nodding. “Okay...”

Sayori sat on the bed again and started peering over Natsuki's shoulder to see the math textbook with her, and they quickly got down to jotting study notes for each of them to use. Sharing a textbook made it take longer, but Natsuki had to admit it was less boring studying with someone else. In the back of her mind, though, she couldn't shake off the concern she felt from earlier.

_Just what was wrong with Sayori, and is she really fine now?_

By the time they'd finished going through all the lessons for math, the sun was already past it's peak. Sayori's stomach grumbled suddenly and she laughed. “Working makes me extra hungry.” Natsuki had to smile a bit in response. “I hope your kitchen isn't as much of a mess, then.” Sayori looked to the side. “Um... well...”

* * *

Natsuki stared wide-eyed at the room before her. If the living room had been messy to her, then Sayori's kitchen looked like a tornado had blown through and tossed every possible item in every possible direction. There seemed to not be a single clean dish or any empty space in the sink. Cupboards were left open, almost all of them empty, and food ingredients seemed to have been left out or knocked over everywhere.

“How...” Natsuki nibbled on her lower lip nervously. “How do you live in this place?” Sayori shrugged in response. “I'm just used to it, I guess.” She looked around the kitchen in contemplation. Natsuki looked around as well. “How do you prepare food?”

“I don't, really.” Sayori admitted.

“...Where do you keep anything?”

“I don't get out to shopping much. “ Sayori explained nervously.

“Then how do you eat!?” Natsuki stared intently at Sayori, seeming to be close to breaking down now from the explanations she was hearing.

“I.... um, well...” Sayori started to sweat and turned away from her friend. “I don't... really... eat much.”

Natsuki shook her head and grabbed her pink pigtails, gripping them tightly. “But you seem like you love food! You're always trying to eat as many snacks as possible! Why don't you eat food at home if you can? That's a privilege, you know!”

Sayori started to shake and she closed her eyes. “I know! But I never have the energy to get any food! I never want to get up and eat! Why should I? Why should I eat? Why should I keep my home clean? What's the point of any of it!?” She was starting to shout now.

Natsuki took a step back. “Th-that's... Sayori, why are you talking like that? This isn't like you!”

Sayori crouched down and crossed her arms, hiding her face in them. “Yes, it is! This is me!”

Natsuki shook her head again, and tugged her pigtails tighter, torn between getting closer to Sayori and moving farther away. “No, you're happy, energetic, hungry, friendly, oblivious, and fun!”

Sayori sobbed. “Please leave, Natsuki. You shouldn't be seeing me like this. I didn't have time to prepare myself this morning, I don't normally have anyone over. You shouldn't have come here.”

Natsuki finally stepped forwards and grabbed Sayori by the shoulders firmly and shook her. “Sayori, what is going on!? Why are you acting like this?”

“I-I...”

“Please, I'm scared for you...okay? I said it. Now please, just... tell me what's going on. I'm your friend.” Natsuki felt an urge to hug her friend to try and console her, but couldn't muster the courage to do so.

Sayori cried softly. “I have depression, Natsuki. I've had depression my whole life.”

Natsuki stared at the girl in front of her for a long time. The only sound was Sayori's quiet sobs for several moments. “I knew you'd hate me if I told you...” Sayori mumbled. That statement shook Natsuki out of her frozen state and she clutched Sayori's shoulders tightly. “I don't hate you, Sayori!” she insisted. “I just... don't understand.”

“It's okay, you don't n-need to...” she sniffled. “Just forget about this, okay?” Natsuki shook her head and finally pulled Sayori into a hug, causing the other girl to make an 'eep' sound in surprise. “L-look, Sayori, you're my friend. I don't know what's going on, but... I-I care about you, alright?” Sayori blinked, genuinely surprised by Natsuki's display of affection. “I... I don't know how or why you would, Natsuki.” Her eyes and expression drooped down again as she looked at the floor past Natsuki. “I'm not worth anyone's care.”

“Yes, you are!” Natsuki clutched Sayori tighter, as if she'd disappear if she let go. “You're... you're the best friend I've ever had. And I'm sorry if I never told you that. You don't judge me for what I like, you try to cheer me up when I'm sad or angry, you offer to work on homework with me, to spend time together... none of my other friends do that.”

Sayori's expression didn't change. “Maybe they'd spend time with you if I wasn't hogging you all the time.” Natsuki shook her head rapidly. “No, they just would rather spend time with other people. I'd spent most of my time outside of school by myself before I met you.”

“Better alone than with me.”

“No!” Natsuki shook Sayori rapidly. “You're a great friend! I would much rather hang out with you than be by myself!”

“You'd think that, wouldn't you...” Sayori sniffled again and buried her face in Natsuki's shoulder.

Natsuki was shaking. Countless emotions she couldn't identify were swirling about inside herself, and all she could do was stand there in the messy kitchen, trying to process what was happening.

_Is this a dream? Sayori isn't like this. Depression? She's always so happy! None of this makes any sense!_

Natsuki fell to the floor, letting go of the other girl. Sayori, having been leaning on her, yelped as she fell down on top of Natsuki's legs, as she was sitting on the dirty floor.

“...I deserved that.” Sayori mumbled, not wanting to move. Natsuki shook her head, with no other protest. At a loss for words, she just sat there, both of them unmoving for a long time. After what felt like an eternity, Sayori slowly got to her feet, slouched over, arms hanging limply. “You can go, Natsuki... I need to be alone. You're better off not being with me.” She trudged out of the room slowly, heading back towards the stairs. Natsuki only found herself watching, lost, with no idea what to say or do, and as her best friend rounded the corner and was out of view, tears clouded her own pink eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Felt like I wanted to add more, but not sure what - and wanted to get a story posted again since it's been a while.


End file.
